Crying doesn't help.

I've been on the move again in the past week which definitely seems to be the more difficult hurdle when it comes to keeping vigilant about sourcing food.  We had a packed schedule filled with mostly driving.  Staying on track with my menu plan was impossible and when dinner is either take-out or a big family gathering, I have little if no control over the quality of the ingredients.  I may have been cooking but didn't do the shopping.  I may have been eating but didn't do the ordering.  If you were to ask, I'm not sure I could even remember what I ate this past weekend.  While it was all healthy enough in terms of nourishment - whether or not it was local, organic or even fresh - who knows?  It all made me a bit uneasy somehow - if not queasy.  Back home and back on track I feel better.  With the extensive planning and organizing I've already done, it was very easy to slide right back into ritual.  The only issue right now is my personal penchant for spontaneity.  It feels ho-hum somehow to plan every meal for a week and stick to it.  Where's the thrill of chaos at mealtime?  Where's the I-don't-care, throw caution to the wind reflex of culinary excitement?  Watching my cooking shows is great for inspiration as long as that inspiration is in season.  I'm finding it hard to wait for that season to come along.   I received an email from my CSA farm talking about what they've been planting and when things will become available.  Looks like June.  Geeeez - this time around Spring is beginning to feel longer than the warm sleepy summers when I was ten years old that felt as if they stretched out in front of you forever.  I've been thinking about all the bounty of the coming summer and I can hardly wait for all the food - as if I've been starving myself on what I can forage along the stream bed out back.  Truth is, I've filled in aplenty with items not considered local or in season because what else can I do until I've got a year of this under my belt and I've prepared for a long winter and spring?  I can't let my family perish like those early Pilgrims in Massachusetts.  Life intervenes and I needs must adjust.  Beating myself up about it will get me nowhere, "Crying doesn't help so might as well get on with it" is my mantra to my 8year old - time to eat my own words and just get on with it.  I figure my percentages of success have been pretty good if not smashing so I'm going to feel good about the process so far.  I've got a good structure in place for setting up success later in the year but at the moment I'm still grasping for that immediate gratification.  Breathe, settle in and stick to the plan.  That's me - for today anyway;)